You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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