we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm passing your future prison.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
