What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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