she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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