Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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