You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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