I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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