I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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