i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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