and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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