while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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