I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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