on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
