If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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