College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
