You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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