Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
