No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
