im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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