Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Couch. On fire.
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