Swine flu. Run for my life!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
