I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
