When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
