I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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