YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
