I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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