Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
