First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
