I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
