I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if you like me you must not know who I am
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
