Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
