I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
