just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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