she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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