before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
