you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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