how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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