Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
