and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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