I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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