Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
