Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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