I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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