Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
