Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
