I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
