The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize