There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
