i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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