Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
