There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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