You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
