The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
