I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
