I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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