apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
