wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
