Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
