She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
