and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
