i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
