I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
