A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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