he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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