I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
