happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
