Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
