i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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