dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
