i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
