Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
