He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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