i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
