Already got asked if we're dating
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just gargled with NyQuil
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
