You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
