i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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