I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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